He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
