I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
