If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
