I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
