last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
