I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
