We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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