U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
