duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
