I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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