No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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