Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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