I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
