the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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