puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
