Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I smell stomach acid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
