She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
