Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
