Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
