just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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