..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
