Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
