HIV tests are more positive than that guy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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