I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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