I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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