8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
