hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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