I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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