somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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