May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think your dad took our porno
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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