I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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