I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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