I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
