I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
