she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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