you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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