I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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