Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
