i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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