I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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