So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
