By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
