i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
