I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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