i think my tv is drunk
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
