shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ugly people sure do ruin things
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
