My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
