I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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