I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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