i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
