I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
